Floating on a prayer
wondering whats to come
being here and being alone.
day after day,
my life works this way
prayers are empty, with no belief
no believing
just being
being me
being you
another day.
assuming always
with my heart wide open
waiting.
wondering,
whats to come.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Everyone For Themselves.
If i had a reason for writing this right now, I would tell you.
I dont have one. Its something to do i suppose.
Is it a waste of time? probably. whats the difference of keeping the thoughts in your head and writing them down onto a website?
Does it make the least bit of a difference?
i guess if someone else wants to read it then they would. Thats the whole purpose, right?
For other people to read your thoughts.
But when they read your thoughts, do you think they really see things the way you see them?
Probably not.
why am i ranting? i have no idea. Its the mood that im in right now. It could be the new album i just got thats making me seem dark. Or it may be that I have no running water at the moment. OR! it could be about my Brother whos currently stuck in toronto. He was supposed to be home last night.
Air Canada totally fucked up. I hope he sues. He could!
he had no direction to where he was supposed to go. I know exactly how that all goes, Im surprised that I got home on time from New Mexico!
He's currently in a motel, as far as i know.
It just goes to show you how important people really are to airlines.
If their plane they were supposed to catch wouldve waited, then he would be here right now. 15 minutes! 15! it cant wait that long?! UGH.
I dont have one. Its something to do i suppose.
Is it a waste of time? probably. whats the difference of keeping the thoughts in your head and writing them down onto a website?
Does it make the least bit of a difference?
i guess if someone else wants to read it then they would. Thats the whole purpose, right?
For other people to read your thoughts.
But when they read your thoughts, do you think they really see things the way you see them?
Probably not.
why am i ranting? i have no idea. Its the mood that im in right now. It could be the new album i just got thats making me seem dark. Or it may be that I have no running water at the moment. OR! it could be about my Brother whos currently stuck in toronto. He was supposed to be home last night.
Air Canada totally fucked up. I hope he sues. He could!
he had no direction to where he was supposed to go. I know exactly how that all goes, Im surprised that I got home on time from New Mexico!
He's currently in a motel, as far as i know.
It just goes to show you how important people really are to airlines.
If their plane they were supposed to catch wouldve waited, then he would be here right now. 15 minutes! 15! it cant wait that long?! UGH.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Curiosity didnt REALLY kill the cat, did it?
I happened to come across an article about Will Smith giving money to Scientology...
one link led to another, and i was absolutely shocked at what I found.
First of all, I checked the scientology website...nothing was really out of the ordinary, but I found that you could find only very limited information about the religion. It kept telling you to buy the books. That came as no surprise to me, seeing as they charge each of their members $250,000 dollars to "join."
If Tom Cruise and Will Smith, and a few other famous actors can join, why not? right?
I found a very bogus-sounding article, that at the same time made some sense. But to believe what its saying is a whole other topic. the article literally made my head spin with thoughts of "Is this actually for real?"
The whole time I was reading it I was thinking: "someone actually wrote this down on paper? someones actually making people BELIEVE this?"
Seeing that this is my blog, I think I have the freedom to write down my thoughts. If you dont agree with me, thats ok. reading what I post next may either make you laugh about it, or make you search up more about scientology...I assure you. there is NO site telling you exactly what you do. For some reason all of the sites only go so far. You would have to become a "member" to really know.
Heres the link for the messed up article i stumbled across:http://www.larabell.org/ultimate.html
and for the article that seems real... im hoping it is. It seems like it was written from someone who was either in the cult or who had a friend who gave information about it.
http://home.snafu.de/tilman/scwhat.txt
from what i hear, the more liberal of this "cult"..who do not believe in harming others, have gotten away from the original religion and started up their own..
regardless...
why must humans run mindless things through their heads to feel more secure?
is it to have a meaning? to have a more purposeful life?
war exhists simply because that is human nature. who starts the wars is an entirely different story..
My belief is that we are here simply because we are.
Just as dogs and cats and worms and snails, birds and the like..
we're here.
yet we are the only beings that have to follow religions to feel more worthy.
are we advancing, or are we slowing ourselves down with these religions?
have we strayed off of the path of true meaning?
Maybe we have. but we may never know.
I guess i should stick this in here somewhere : I dont have a Religion. I dont hate Religion, but i dont hold any desire to become a follower. While i have the chance, i'll also put in that i wouldnt want to be a leader of a new religion, or an old one.
What i believe in is we got here somehow..that i dont know. But i dont believe that being on your knees, believing in something youve never seen before or come across, is doing anything spectacular for this world. Yes - we got here somehow. Yes - it is a miracle how it happened. No- i dont believe that something is watching over me. Thats just the way my mind works, I guess.
I hope someone else searches up "what is scientology?" just like i did, and somehow come across my very- biased opinion, some would say. Yet at the same time, its freedom of speech. Its Human Rights.If anyone has anymore juicy gossip about this wretched topic dont hesitate to E-mail me.
sarahtbruce@hotmail.com.
dont be afraid. an opinion is an opinion. everyone has one.
one link led to another, and i was absolutely shocked at what I found.
First of all, I checked the scientology website...nothing was really out of the ordinary, but I found that you could find only very limited information about the religion. It kept telling you to buy the books. That came as no surprise to me, seeing as they charge each of their members $250,000 dollars to "join."
If Tom Cruise and Will Smith, and a few other famous actors can join, why not? right?
I found a very bogus-sounding article, that at the same time made some sense. But to believe what its saying is a whole other topic. the article literally made my head spin with thoughts of "Is this actually for real?"
The whole time I was reading it I was thinking: "someone actually wrote this down on paper? someones actually making people BELIEVE this?"
Seeing that this is my blog, I think I have the freedom to write down my thoughts. If you dont agree with me, thats ok. reading what I post next may either make you laugh about it, or make you search up more about scientology...I assure you. there is NO site telling you exactly what you do. For some reason all of the sites only go so far. You would have to become a "member" to really know.
Heres the link for the messed up article i stumbled across:http://www.larabell.org/ultimate.html
and for the article that seems real... im hoping it is. It seems like it was written from someone who was either in the cult or who had a friend who gave information about it.
http://home.snafu.de/tilman/scwhat.txt
from what i hear, the more liberal of this "cult"..who do not believe in harming others, have gotten away from the original religion and started up their own..
regardless...
why must humans run mindless things through their heads to feel more secure?
is it to have a meaning? to have a more purposeful life?
war exhists simply because that is human nature. who starts the wars is an entirely different story..
My belief is that we are here simply because we are.
Just as dogs and cats and worms and snails, birds and the like..
we're here.
yet we are the only beings that have to follow religions to feel more worthy.
are we advancing, or are we slowing ourselves down with these religions?
have we strayed off of the path of true meaning?
Maybe we have. but we may never know.
I guess i should stick this in here somewhere : I dont have a Religion. I dont hate Religion, but i dont hold any desire to become a follower. While i have the chance, i'll also put in that i wouldnt want to be a leader of a new religion, or an old one.
What i believe in is we got here somehow..that i dont know. But i dont believe that being on your knees, believing in something youve never seen before or come across, is doing anything spectacular for this world. Yes - we got here somehow. Yes - it is a miracle how it happened. No- i dont believe that something is watching over me. Thats just the way my mind works, I guess.
I hope someone else searches up "what is scientology?" just like i did, and somehow come across my very- biased opinion, some would say. Yet at the same time, its freedom of speech. Its Human Rights.If anyone has anymore juicy gossip about this wretched topic dont hesitate to E-mail me.
sarahtbruce@hotmail.com.
dont be afraid. an opinion is an opinion. everyone has one.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Time To Look Back.
This has been an interesting year. to say the least.
I have travelled, I have lost some family, I have become a different person.
I've made mistakes. Who doesnt?
I have calmed down, significantly. Its as if the child in me has given up.
I guess thats what happens when your life revolves around work. Believe it or not, if someone were to approach me that knew me in highschool, I wouldnt know what to say to them. So, hows life going? Well, im not sure.Stressful days at work, not knowing what to do with myself, with my life.So many aspirations, going to waste, because i dont know what to do with myself.Thanks for asking though!
To sum up this year would be extremely hard.
Ive seen the beautiful mountains and desert in New Mexico.
I've been to the warm and beautiful Dominican Republic.
I've met some of the most amazing people i will ever know in my life. and not met them, at the same time.
I lost my Sister. Or what i would consider one, because im a pet lover.
I lost my grandfather, who had it coming for a long time. All that we did was patiently wait.
I sat at the corner of his bed, wondering what the man was actually like. what he had actually gone through, what the war was actually like. Maybe thats why he was so quiet at family gatherings. Maybe i got that from moms side of the family. Reserved. But so far away from shy.
To some it may not make any sense. But its true.
I have so many questions about life that its disturbing. Nobody can answer these questions. Does anyone else in the world think like me? feel like me? someone out there must.
Sheltered. Thats what i was always told.
well guess what? im not. if i was, i dont know when.
Im more curious and adventurous than mostly anyone i know.
yet scared to spread my wings.
scared to fail.
if i fail, i may fall.Again.
everytime i hear the song "Sober" by Pink, i think of myself last year. and some of this year.
a mess. Calling for help.
and none.
the only person that can really help you in this world is yourself.
heres to getting my life completely on track. slowly, im getting there.
I have travelled, I have lost some family, I have become a different person.
I've made mistakes. Who doesnt?
I have calmed down, significantly. Its as if the child in me has given up.
I guess thats what happens when your life revolves around work. Believe it or not, if someone were to approach me that knew me in highschool, I wouldnt know what to say to them. So, hows life going? Well, im not sure.Stressful days at work, not knowing what to do with myself, with my life.So many aspirations, going to waste, because i dont know what to do with myself.Thanks for asking though!
To sum up this year would be extremely hard.
Ive seen the beautiful mountains and desert in New Mexico.
I've been to the warm and beautiful Dominican Republic.
I've met some of the most amazing people i will ever know in my life. and not met them, at the same time.
I lost my Sister. Or what i would consider one, because im a pet lover.
I lost my grandfather, who had it coming for a long time. All that we did was patiently wait.
I sat at the corner of his bed, wondering what the man was actually like. what he had actually gone through, what the war was actually like. Maybe thats why he was so quiet at family gatherings. Maybe i got that from moms side of the family. Reserved. But so far away from shy.
To some it may not make any sense. But its true.
I have so many questions about life that its disturbing. Nobody can answer these questions. Does anyone else in the world think like me? feel like me? someone out there must.
Sheltered. Thats what i was always told.
well guess what? im not. if i was, i dont know when.
Im more curious and adventurous than mostly anyone i know.
yet scared to spread my wings.
scared to fail.
if i fail, i may fall.Again.
everytime i hear the song "Sober" by Pink, i think of myself last year. and some of this year.
a mess. Calling for help.
and none.
the only person that can really help you in this world is yourself.
heres to getting my life completely on track. slowly, im getting there.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Change You Need.
Horrible.Dispicable.Disgusting.
The state of California, while being more liberal than other states, is not as liberal as i thought originally. It hurts to know that we, The Gays, are still very discriminated in the U.S. No, i do not live in the U.S. but it hurts me regardless. Arkansas has illegalized adoption for same-sex couples. I have no words to put in a correct sentence for all of this. It just blows my mind that because you are a woman that falls in love with a woman or a man that falls in love with a man, that you dont have the same rights that everyone else has.
This needs to change. The world needs to stop being so discriminatory. Even my friends need to stop in some ways as well. Not all of them. but some are very narrow-minded people.
Just last night there was a discussion that I would rather not hear, but in another way it opened my eyes. This world in some ways is like hell on earth. If theirs even a hell to begin with. I opened my mouth during the discussion, openely telling a few "friends" that they were narrow-minded. Some people are alot different than what you percieve them as.
To be honest, I dont know why i'm so into this whole election and the outcome of the gay community in the States. Maybe its because if I were an American I would be fighting this until the day I die.Also its because I have met many Americans personally. I would be going to rallies and maybe even riots if I was that much into it.
I am an extremist of sorts. I know that this world will not be a better place unless we change the things that need to be changed. Religion has no actual grasp on us. We just believe to have something to believe in. of course! why not? thats the only way to feel safe in this world. believe in a god that might not even exhist. At the same time, i dont want to knock on religion.I know plenty of religious people that do not believe what the bible has written about us. But the reason why we are seen as lower than the straight Americans who go to church is because it was written in a book 70 years after Jesus Christ died.While not being absolutely direct about it, we are "sinful".This was like a big game of telephone, then someone decided to write all of these stories.If anyone read Mia's note on facebook, you'll know what im talking about.
As generations grow older and people change, hopefully we will be changing this world for the better. We have already started.
Stop the Racism.
Stop the Sexism.
Stop the Discrimination.
Change the World.
The state of California, while being more liberal than other states, is not as liberal as i thought originally. It hurts to know that we, The Gays, are still very discriminated in the U.S. No, i do not live in the U.S. but it hurts me regardless. Arkansas has illegalized adoption for same-sex couples. I have no words to put in a correct sentence for all of this. It just blows my mind that because you are a woman that falls in love with a woman or a man that falls in love with a man, that you dont have the same rights that everyone else has.
This needs to change. The world needs to stop being so discriminatory. Even my friends need to stop in some ways as well. Not all of them. but some are very narrow-minded people.
Just last night there was a discussion that I would rather not hear, but in another way it opened my eyes. This world in some ways is like hell on earth. If theirs even a hell to begin with. I opened my mouth during the discussion, openely telling a few "friends" that they were narrow-minded. Some people are alot different than what you percieve them as.
To be honest, I dont know why i'm so into this whole election and the outcome of the gay community in the States. Maybe its because if I were an American I would be fighting this until the day I die.Also its because I have met many Americans personally. I would be going to rallies and maybe even riots if I was that much into it.
I am an extremist of sorts. I know that this world will not be a better place unless we change the things that need to be changed. Religion has no actual grasp on us. We just believe to have something to believe in. of course! why not? thats the only way to feel safe in this world. believe in a god that might not even exhist. At the same time, i dont want to knock on religion.I know plenty of religious people that do not believe what the bible has written about us. But the reason why we are seen as lower than the straight Americans who go to church is because it was written in a book 70 years after Jesus Christ died.While not being absolutely direct about it, we are "sinful".This was like a big game of telephone, then someone decided to write all of these stories.If anyone read Mia's note on facebook, you'll know what im talking about.
As generations grow older and people change, hopefully we will be changing this world for the better. We have already started.
Stop the Racism.
Stop the Sexism.
Stop the Discrimination.
Change the World.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
My shite day.
GO C! WRITE THAT BOOK! DO IT!
So today is very off. here are several reasons why i want to go crazy today.
1) its cold.
2) im sick. again.
3) my boss wants me to truck across half of the city to get a doctors note when i should be home resting.
4)i hate my phone.
5) i have to go to the doctors at 5:45. great.
6) the parentals have major issues with me being sick. last time i checked, its not my decision whether to be sick or not.
last but not least:
7) since ive been sick, i have been playing gta 4. again. but it makes me mad because IM STUCK! stupid video games.. lol.
i think thats all of the reasons why im having a shitty day.
So today is very off. here are several reasons why i want to go crazy today.
1) its cold.
2) im sick. again.
3) my boss wants me to truck across half of the city to get a doctors note when i should be home resting.
4)i hate my phone.
5) i have to go to the doctors at 5:45. great.
6) the parentals have major issues with me being sick. last time i checked, its not my decision whether to be sick or not.
last but not least:
7) since ive been sick, i have been playing gta 4. again. but it makes me mad because IM STUCK! stupid video games.. lol.
i think thats all of the reasons why im having a shitty day.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Don't Close Your Eyes or We'll Fade.
This week has been pretty blah.
but the good news is i dont feel sick! holyy i felt sick for weeks.
colds and flu's everywhere! prettymuch everyone i know caught one or the other. knowing my luck i'll be sick in the next couple weeks. again. NO FUN.
This week was short but at the same time felt really long..
all i wanted to do was sleep in today. and now that i did im happy =)
I really wish i had some more to write but all this week consisted of was feeling shitty and work. and my crazy Supervisor.. im not going to get into that.
I'll end this with McCain is an IDIOT.
"The Americans have gotten to know Sarah Palin. They know she's a role model to women and reformers all over America." - McCain
"We're going to take Joe's money, give it to Senator Obama and let him spread the wealth around."-McCain
What is wrong with this man? and why am i so amused by how stupid he is? im Canadian! i cant even vote there! I guess its because most of our channels are American, or have American programs on them. CNN is a popular channel in this house.
Ick..politics. slimy subject but at the same time - interesting.
"Sen. McCain, this is the guy who sang, 'Bomb, bomb, bomb Iran,' who called for the annihilation of North Korea. That I don't think is an example of speaking softly. This is the person who, after we had — we hadn't even finished Afghanistan, where he said, 'Next up, Baghdad.' So I agree that we have to speak responsibly and we have to act responsibly. And the reason Pakistan — the popular opinion of America had diminished in Pakistan was because we were supporting a dictator, (former President Pervez) Musharraf, had given him $10 billion over seven years, and he had suspended civil liberties. We were not promoting democracy. This is the kind of policies that ultimately end up undermining our ability to fight the war on terrorism, and it will change when I'm president." -Obama
A couple of my friends actually told me that he will become president, but they think he will be shot because he's black. another JFK but for other reasons. and NO they werent trying to be racist. they just know theirs still racism. obviously. WTF. what the hell is wrong with the world? people are seriously messed up.
I guess one main reson why im so into this election is because my brother is going to Afghanistan for a year in February. He has already been there before.
Obviously, i want him out of there. and no, America had no control on whether or not my brother does-Canada does.
I know for sure that America rubs off on us somewhat- America is there, Canada will be there.
Barack wants America out - chances are Prime Minister Stephen Harper- which also has no clue what hes really doing with our economy- will want Canadian troops out of there too.
this last election, 59% of our population DIDNT vote. Harper does not set hearts aflutter in Canada, but no one offered a better alternative. An election was held, and virtually nothing changed. The prime minister did succeed in icing any near-term interest in another election.
Harper even earned 6 seats in British columbia!
conservatives won.again. Seriously, what is wrong with this picture?
alright, ive had enough of the politics for now.
but the good news is i dont feel sick! holyy i felt sick for weeks.
colds and flu's everywhere! prettymuch everyone i know caught one or the other. knowing my luck i'll be sick in the next couple weeks. again. NO FUN.
This week was short but at the same time felt really long..
all i wanted to do was sleep in today. and now that i did im happy =)
I really wish i had some more to write but all this week consisted of was feeling shitty and work. and my crazy Supervisor.. im not going to get into that.
I'll end this with McCain is an IDIOT.
"The Americans have gotten to know Sarah Palin. They know she's a role model to women and reformers all over America." - McCain
"We're going to take Joe's money, give it to Senator Obama and let him spread the wealth around."-McCain
What is wrong with this man? and why am i so amused by how stupid he is? im Canadian! i cant even vote there! I guess its because most of our channels are American, or have American programs on them. CNN is a popular channel in this house.
Ick..politics. slimy subject but at the same time - interesting.
"Sen. McCain, this is the guy who sang, 'Bomb, bomb, bomb Iran,' who called for the annihilation of North Korea. That I don't think is an example of speaking softly. This is the person who, after we had — we hadn't even finished Afghanistan, where he said, 'Next up, Baghdad.' So I agree that we have to speak responsibly and we have to act responsibly. And the reason Pakistan — the popular opinion of America had diminished in Pakistan was because we were supporting a dictator, (former President Pervez) Musharraf, had given him $10 billion over seven years, and he had suspended civil liberties. We were not promoting democracy. This is the kind of policies that ultimately end up undermining our ability to fight the war on terrorism, and it will change when I'm president." -Obama
A couple of my friends actually told me that he will become president, but they think he will be shot because he's black. another JFK but for other reasons. and NO they werent trying to be racist. they just know theirs still racism. obviously. WTF. what the hell is wrong with the world? people are seriously messed up.
I guess one main reson why im so into this election is because my brother is going to Afghanistan for a year in February. He has already been there before.
Obviously, i want him out of there. and no, America had no control on whether or not my brother does-Canada does.
I know for sure that America rubs off on us somewhat- America is there, Canada will be there.
Barack wants America out - chances are Prime Minister Stephen Harper- which also has no clue what hes really doing with our economy- will want Canadian troops out of there too.
this last election, 59% of our population DIDNT vote. Harper does not set hearts aflutter in Canada, but no one offered a better alternative. An election was held, and virtually nothing changed. The prime minister did succeed in icing any near-term interest in another election.
Harper even earned 6 seats in British columbia!
conservatives won.again. Seriously, what is wrong with this picture?
alright, ive had enough of the politics for now.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Your So Far Away From Me.
Last night,I was thinking alot about things that have happened in my life that i could have easily avoided. If only i had actually used my brain for some things, instead of hearing something someone says and blowing up over it..
losing people in my life because of my efforts. not just mine, but theirs aswell.
im not putting names down, just initials.
E:stop playing around with me. Im being dead serious, i dont have time for a mind-fuck.
B: your just the same as you were when you threw the cup of coffee and stormed off on me. have fun in Alberta.
D: Your such a sweet girl but you hate me for no reason. I feel bad for you that your worried about me doing anything. I wouldnt touch her with a ten foot pole as far as im concerned. Theres nothing there between us. Oh, and thanks for that dirty look you gave me before you decided to talk to me. whatever, you think i honestly care? I dont hate you, dont see why you hate me.
K: your my best friend. still. to this day. I wish i was your best friend.
C: your soo far away. but your are one of the coolest people i know. I havent been on here lately but just know that i care about you. More than you think.
M: what happened to you? i havent seen you in months, didnt even know you moved out. Good luck with things.
A: im happy that you got a good job in your hands, but you dont want to work odd-jobs for the rest of your life! i cant believe you even told me that. go back to school! be smart about things!
i havent seen you much lately and im sorry for that.
Their's alot more people but these are the people who matter most. all of the other people i hang around with, im good with, so i can say things to their face.
i'll put up another post, maybe not as depressing, in a couple of days.
losing people in my life because of my efforts. not just mine, but theirs aswell.
im not putting names down, just initials.
E:stop playing around with me. Im being dead serious, i dont have time for a mind-fuck.
B: your just the same as you were when you threw the cup of coffee and stormed off on me. have fun in Alberta.
D: Your such a sweet girl but you hate me for no reason. I feel bad for you that your worried about me doing anything. I wouldnt touch her with a ten foot pole as far as im concerned. Theres nothing there between us. Oh, and thanks for that dirty look you gave me before you decided to talk to me. whatever, you think i honestly care? I dont hate you, dont see why you hate me.
K: your my best friend. still. to this day. I wish i was your best friend.
C: your soo far away. but your are one of the coolest people i know. I havent been on here lately but just know that i care about you. More than you think.
M: what happened to you? i havent seen you in months, didnt even know you moved out. Good luck with things.
A: im happy that you got a good job in your hands, but you dont want to work odd-jobs for the rest of your life! i cant believe you even told me that. go back to school! be smart about things!
i havent seen you much lately and im sorry for that.
Their's alot more people but these are the people who matter most. all of the other people i hang around with, im good with, so i can say things to their face.
i'll put up another post, maybe not as depressing, in a couple of days.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Tina Fey Is On a Roll
John McCain makes me sick. So does Sarah Palin.
if they are elected, something is really wrong with America.
She doesnt even know how to correctly answer a question!
Supposedly the skit that was on SNL last night, was pretty much what really happened.
SERIOUSLY?
It was really funny to watch.. cause come on.. its Tina Fey. Shes awesome.
But it just goes to show you how stupid people can be when they pick running partners.
Really McCain? Really?
whatever. Vote Obama. America will be better off with someone with intelligence.
if they are elected, something is really wrong with America.
She doesnt even know how to correctly answer a question!
Supposedly the skit that was on SNL last night, was pretty much what really happened.
SERIOUSLY?
It was really funny to watch.. cause come on.. its Tina Fey. Shes awesome.
But it just goes to show you how stupid people can be when they pick running partners.
Really McCain? Really?
whatever. Vote Obama. America will be better off with someone with intelligence.
Monday, September 15, 2008
My Weekend.
I'm pretty sure this was one of the most interesting weekends. Alot happened!
-Also if you see any typos its because its 7am in the morning and im too tired to care if theirs a few mistakes.
FRIDAY-
Friday after work I went to my friends place (she works with me) to stay the night. She showed me this neat new game called Spore - you start out in the game as one tiny cell and..well.. multiply. The game is pretty nifty, but a little too "Kiddish" for me.
Also, shes a very cheap drunk lol. it was funny though.
her cat is definatly evil. when i was sleeping he kept pouncing on me and biting my feet.
overall it was a pretty sweet night. She has a nice cozy place with her boyfriend, who is a really smart, nice guy.
SATURDAY-
Busses around here dont run the same schedule as they do on weekends. Infact, its entirely different. Especially when your on the totally opposite side of town, and it doesnt make matters any better when your friend has to go even further away from where your supposed to be.
It was either stay lost around her place (neither of them knew the bus route to get to where i had to go) or go with her, because my aunt and uncle live out where she was going.
This, of course, made me so especially happy because i got to see my aunt and uncle that i had just seen last week and i just LOVE to randomly show up out of the blue..
uhm, yeah. sarcasm. =]
They were happy to see me, and i know i didnt put a damper on their day, cause thats really how nice they are. Part of the reason why i went all the way out there is because in my panicked mood, when i called them to see if i had a lifeline left, my uncle invited me to a BBQ at my Aunt Karens place.
One thing i dont like about this particular celebration is how mom was left out in the dark about it. Just last week she turned 50, yet the only person who had sent her a card is my aunt Phylis, who is the outcast of the family..she only shows up for funerals. No phone call from any of her other siblings..which makes me mad that they would celebrate Nanette's birthday but only mention moms birthday and go on with their day as if it wasn't something to celebrate. the big 5-0. I eventually got over this because it is, of course, how my family runs. Everyone is dysfunctional with one another in some way. They also enjoy to drink.
Ahem.
On with the evening, after i decided to drink 4 coolers in a row (Vodka, 7% ,Mikes Hard Lemonade) i found myself incapable of being quiet. I also found out that the entire family knows of my Homosexuality and they see it the same way as you would see a Husband and Wife. Which is great for me...*sigh*. I LOVE being Canadian! and that's not sarcasm! seriously, the entire family?! nice!
after the night of loud drunk talking, we got my uncle Leonard who didn't drink a drop to drive us to Aunt Nanette's place, where Uncle Ken and I decided to grab a beer and jump into the hot tub.
I now know why they say not to drink while your in a hot tub.
i was alright until 2am. Supposedly. I don't remember any of this, but i guess i passed out on the couch before that and when woke up i made a poor attempt to make it to the toilet.
I owe my Aunt a bathroom rug.
ew right? yeah i know. and imagine me waking up, asking if she knew if i got sick-
************************************************************************************
Aunt- yes i think that was you, all over the bathroom rug *giggles* but that's alright because i wanted to get a new one anyways!
Me- *looks at aunt in shock* *turns red* this is so embarrassing.. i need to go lie down now.
************************************************************************************
SUNDAY- the above conversation took place on Sunday, where i curled up into a ball on the couch and waited for dad to drive me back home. I guess I looked like death, because everyone I saw yesterday looked at me and asked if I was okay.
So now, i'm done drinking. I'm sure I wont miss it too much, because it usually makes me sick all of the next day anyways. I don't even drink that often anyways, so i guess thats why i was so effed up after just 4 drinks. When i felt a bit more alive after popping two Advil i watched a movie that they're filming around my place. The security guards are dicks, but i guess its their job to be a little dickish.
ew. I hate that word. AAANYWAYS
now i'm home, sniffling and sneezing..
I don't know what did it. could it be the coolers i had?
I wouldn't be surprised.
now i think i'm catching a cold.
and that was my fun-packed exciting weekend!
- The Sick Chick.
-Also if you see any typos its because its 7am in the morning and im too tired to care if theirs a few mistakes.
FRIDAY-
Friday after work I went to my friends place (she works with me) to stay the night. She showed me this neat new game called Spore - you start out in the game as one tiny cell and..well.. multiply. The game is pretty nifty, but a little too "Kiddish" for me.
Also, shes a very cheap drunk lol. it was funny though.
her cat is definatly evil. when i was sleeping he kept pouncing on me and biting my feet.
overall it was a pretty sweet night. She has a nice cozy place with her boyfriend, who is a really smart, nice guy.
SATURDAY-
Busses around here dont run the same schedule as they do on weekends. Infact, its entirely different. Especially when your on the totally opposite side of town, and it doesnt make matters any better when your friend has to go even further away from where your supposed to be.
It was either stay lost around her place (neither of them knew the bus route to get to where i had to go) or go with her, because my aunt and uncle live out where she was going.
This, of course, made me so especially happy because i got to see my aunt and uncle that i had just seen last week and i just LOVE to randomly show up out of the blue..
uhm, yeah. sarcasm. =]
They were happy to see me, and i know i didnt put a damper on their day, cause thats really how nice they are. Part of the reason why i went all the way out there is because in my panicked mood, when i called them to see if i had a lifeline left, my uncle invited me to a BBQ at my Aunt Karens place.
One thing i dont like about this particular celebration is how mom was left out in the dark about it. Just last week she turned 50, yet the only person who had sent her a card is my aunt Phylis, who is the outcast of the family..she only shows up for funerals. No phone call from any of her other siblings..which makes me mad that they would celebrate Nanette's birthday but only mention moms birthday and go on with their day as if it wasn't something to celebrate. the big 5-0. I eventually got over this because it is, of course, how my family runs. Everyone is dysfunctional with one another in some way. They also enjoy to drink.
Ahem.
On with the evening, after i decided to drink 4 coolers in a row (Vodka, 7% ,Mikes Hard Lemonade) i found myself incapable of being quiet. I also found out that the entire family knows of my Homosexuality and they see it the same way as you would see a Husband and Wife. Which is great for me...*sigh*. I LOVE being Canadian! and that's not sarcasm! seriously, the entire family?! nice!
after the night of loud drunk talking, we got my uncle Leonard who didn't drink a drop to drive us to Aunt Nanette's place, where Uncle Ken and I decided to grab a beer and jump into the hot tub.
I now know why they say not to drink while your in a hot tub.
i was alright until 2am. Supposedly. I don't remember any of this, but i guess i passed out on the couch before that and when woke up i made a poor attempt to make it to the toilet.
I owe my Aunt a bathroom rug.
ew right? yeah i know. and imagine me waking up, asking if she knew if i got sick-
************************************************************************************
Aunt- yes i think that was you, all over the bathroom rug *giggles* but that's alright because i wanted to get a new one anyways!
Me- *looks at aunt in shock* *turns red* this is so embarrassing.. i need to go lie down now.
************************************************************************************
SUNDAY- the above conversation took place on Sunday, where i curled up into a ball on the couch and waited for dad to drive me back home. I guess I looked like death, because everyone I saw yesterday looked at me and asked if I was okay.
So now, i'm done drinking. I'm sure I wont miss it too much, because it usually makes me sick all of the next day anyways. I don't even drink that often anyways, so i guess thats why i was so effed up after just 4 drinks. When i felt a bit more alive after popping two Advil i watched a movie that they're filming around my place. The security guards are dicks, but i guess its their job to be a little dickish.
ew. I hate that word. AAANYWAYS
now i'm home, sniffling and sneezing..
I don't know what did it. could it be the coolers i had?
I wouldn't be surprised.
now i think i'm catching a cold.
and that was my fun-packed exciting weekend!
- The Sick Chick.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wheres Your Head At?
Falling memories, passing by
my faith has never exhisted.
my mind screams for sincerity
yet my mouth wanders
the nothingness clutches me.
my own thoughts eluding me.
i take in the room. one second at a time
tick.tock.tick.tock.
i feel completely under-estimated.
she looks at me with love,and compassion
i can see it in her eyes.
she steps forward and reaches for my hand
her hand goes right through mine.
i look at her in shock.
but i love(d) her. she knows it.
her mouth grows into a smile.
i look into her eyes, and open my mouth to speak
nothing comes out. not even a whisper.
i feel reality calling me back and clutching my heart
clutching my dreams.
a dream
it was just a dream.
just a dream.
i curl up into a ball of misery
of a broken heart
my broken dreams haunt me.
they will tease, and poke.
there's no controlling them.
they will come and go as they please.
she will come and go as she pleases.
i ask myself "why the torture?"
and i know why.
because she was my dream. before i even met her.
i will dream of her until my body becomes one with the ground.
but im tired of this dream.
i want to trade it in for a new dream.
a new her. a new amazing dream.
not this one that breaks my heart.again and again.
please?
my faith has never exhisted.
my mind screams for sincerity
yet my mouth wanders
the nothingness clutches me.
my own thoughts eluding me.
i take in the room. one second at a time
tick.tock.tick.tock.
i feel completely under-estimated.
she looks at me with love,and compassion
i can see it in her eyes.
she steps forward and reaches for my hand
her hand goes right through mine.
i look at her in shock.
but i love(d) her. she knows it.
her mouth grows into a smile.
i look into her eyes, and open my mouth to speak
nothing comes out. not even a whisper.
i feel reality calling me back and clutching my heart
clutching my dreams.
a dream
it was just a dream.
just a dream.
i curl up into a ball of misery
of a broken heart
my broken dreams haunt me.
they will tease, and poke.
there's no controlling them.
they will come and go as they please.
she will come and go as she pleases.
i ask myself "why the torture?"
and i know why.
because she was my dream. before i even met her.
i will dream of her until my body becomes one with the ground.
but im tired of this dream.
i want to trade it in for a new dream.
a new her. a new amazing dream.
not this one that breaks my heart.again and again.
please?
Thursday, August 14, 2008
The Veronicas
Monday, August 11, 2008
Guess This Song.
It seems every time i listen to the radio in the early morning, a good song that i can really relate to plays.
I had to cut some of the lyrics out, just so i dont give the song away straight off the bat.
do you know the song?
she rules her life like a bird in flight
and who will be her lover?
all your life you've never seen
a woman , taken by the wind
would you stay if she promised you heaven?
will you ever win.....?
she is like a cat in the dark
and then she is the darkness
she rules her life like a fine skylark
and when the sky is starless
all your life you've never seen
a woman..taken by the wind...
would you stay if she promised you heaven?
will you ever win.....?
will you ever win.....?
Dreams unwind.
Love's a state of mind.
I had to cut some of the lyrics out, just so i dont give the song away straight off the bat.
do you know the song?
she rules her life like a bird in flight
and who will be her lover?
all your life you've never seen
a woman , taken by the wind
would you stay if she promised you heaven?
will you ever win.....?
she is like a cat in the dark
and then she is the darkness
she rules her life like a fine skylark
and when the sky is starless
all your life you've never seen
a woman..taken by the wind...
would you stay if she promised you heaven?
will you ever win.....?
will you ever win.....?
Dreams unwind.
Love's a state of mind.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Odd and Crazy.
So this weekend was probably the weirdest weekend i've had in a while. Almost as weird as the time a 30-something-year-old woman tried to make out with me when i was bar hopping with some friends a few months back.
Saturday night, my Aunt and Uncle held this party. Just a random party. But it just so happened that one of the people coming was having a birthday the next day, so we kind of celebrated her birthday too.She was trashed. I wouldn't doubt if she was way hungover on her b-day. Her boyfriend was a total asshole. he had the attention span of a 4-year-old kid. my aunt couldnt stand him either, which was pretty funny. i just ended up ignoring him.
Anyways! im going to get to the main point of the story.
This couple came and one works with my Uncle. My Uncle works as a mechanic.
She's been working there for around a month, and I thought her boyfriend was a cool guy.
a few hours passed by, pretty much everyone was drunk, and I'm pretty sure im one of few that still knew what they were actually doing and what was going on.
the girl from my uncles work got soooo drunk. her and b-day girl were dancing in the living room , and i'd go in every once in a while to talk to them..or at least try.
Eventually B-day girl stopped dancing and the other girl was still dancing. I went to go and talk to the one who was still dancing ( I'm not sure what her name is.. I know it started with N. So her name will be N in this)
Anyways, I'm sitting there, trying to talk to her over this BLASTING music, and..
and..
...
she kissed me. oh my god she kissed me. So im sitting there freaking out, because her boyfriend is in the next room. then she goes off saying " ohmygod im so sorry, i love my boyfriend sooo much bla bla bla.." and i just said " hey, i didnt kiss you, you kissed me." then i kind of walked away from N and went to the bathroom. luckily i wasnt USING the washroom cause she walked right in!
Then she went on to try and get my belt undone..and..ahem. you know. Trying to do stuff.Saying stuff to me, saying shes done it before, that shes bi..and i dont doubt it.and she was really pretty and all, but i don't do that shit. Especially when shes so drunk and has a boyfriend. UGH. it isnt the first time this has happened.
I felt sooo bad, had to push her off, then she tried making out with me.. had to push her off some more.. oh man. i had to tell her to leave. then the rest of the night i didnt bother talking to her, and her and her boyfriend left about 10 minutes later.
soo... again, not the first time something like this has happened.
and i have no idea how she knew about me, unless of course if its obvious. which i dont doubt. Im not a butch or anything like that, but i think people are crazy if they dont guess that im gay.
so..yeah. Im sure this will happen again.
oh, the wonders of alcohol.
ughhh...
Saturday night, my Aunt and Uncle held this party. Just a random party. But it just so happened that one of the people coming was having a birthday the next day, so we kind of celebrated her birthday too.She was trashed. I wouldn't doubt if she was way hungover on her b-day. Her boyfriend was a total asshole. he had the attention span of a 4-year-old kid. my aunt couldnt stand him either, which was pretty funny. i just ended up ignoring him.
Anyways! im going to get to the main point of the story.
This couple came and one works with my Uncle. My Uncle works as a mechanic.
She's been working there for around a month, and I thought her boyfriend was a cool guy.
a few hours passed by, pretty much everyone was drunk, and I'm pretty sure im one of few that still knew what they were actually doing and what was going on.
the girl from my uncles work got soooo drunk. her and b-day girl were dancing in the living room , and i'd go in every once in a while to talk to them..or at least try.
Eventually B-day girl stopped dancing and the other girl was still dancing. I went to go and talk to the one who was still dancing ( I'm not sure what her name is.. I know it started with N. So her name will be N in this)
Anyways, I'm sitting there, trying to talk to her over this BLASTING music, and..
and..
...
she kissed me. oh my god she kissed me. So im sitting there freaking out, because her boyfriend is in the next room. then she goes off saying " ohmygod im so sorry, i love my boyfriend sooo much bla bla bla.." and i just said " hey, i didnt kiss you, you kissed me." then i kind of walked away from N and went to the bathroom. luckily i wasnt USING the washroom cause she walked right in!
Then she went on to try and get my belt undone..and..ahem. you know. Trying to do stuff.Saying stuff to me, saying shes done it before, that shes bi..and i dont doubt it.and she was really pretty and all, but i don't do that shit. Especially when shes so drunk and has a boyfriend. UGH. it isnt the first time this has happened.
I felt sooo bad, had to push her off, then she tried making out with me.. had to push her off some more.. oh man. i had to tell her to leave. then the rest of the night i didnt bother talking to her, and her and her boyfriend left about 10 minutes later.
soo... again, not the first time something like this has happened.
and i have no idea how she knew about me, unless of course if its obvious. which i dont doubt. Im not a butch or anything like that, but i think people are crazy if they dont guess that im gay.
so..yeah. Im sure this will happen again.
oh, the wonders of alcohol.
ughhh...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
This Is Life.
We go to school, we graduate, we (sometimes) go back to school, all to become a miniscule worker.
One Doctor
One Waitress
One cashier..
Throw a few millionaires in here and there.
work is work.
your lucky if you have a job you love.
your lucky if your not trapped.
your a lucky fucker if your rich.
everyone can simply fuck off. im sick and tired of bullshit.
relationships, jobs, money, government..
fuck off.
its all the same. i hate it. same thing day in day out.
i feel like an ant in the grass, about to be stepped on at any moment.
i feel like a failure.
and then my friends start to avoid me, when i get like this. and some people i cant explain it to. you've got to understand, i get in these moods. i hate almost everyone for a while. i hate life for a while. i hate how SHITTY mine is starting to turn out.
Shove your fucking brains and books in my face, go ahead! i know im not stupid, i shouldnt have to make people believe the same thing. People can think whatever the fuck they want about me.
its all a viscious cycle. you work then you fucking die.
i hope everyones fucking happy.
i hope you drown in your money and forget about things that actually matter in life. i hope you become an arrogant person that i myself will never have the need or want to talk to. i hope your money takes over your every thought and you are a lonely fucker for the rest of your life.
money is so fucking stupid.
excuse me while i loathe in my disgusting Dumbass thoughts.
shove it up your ass. how about that.
One Doctor
One Waitress
One cashier..
Throw a few millionaires in here and there.
work is work.
your lucky if you have a job you love.
your lucky if your not trapped.
your a lucky fucker if your rich.
everyone can simply fuck off. im sick and tired of bullshit.
relationships, jobs, money, government..
fuck off.
its all the same. i hate it. same thing day in day out.
i feel like an ant in the grass, about to be stepped on at any moment.
i feel like a failure.
and then my friends start to avoid me, when i get like this. and some people i cant explain it to. you've got to understand, i get in these moods. i hate almost everyone for a while. i hate life for a while. i hate how SHITTY mine is starting to turn out.
Shove your fucking brains and books in my face, go ahead! i know im not stupid, i shouldnt have to make people believe the same thing. People can think whatever the fuck they want about me.
its all a viscious cycle. you work then you fucking die.
i hope everyones fucking happy.
i hope you drown in your money and forget about things that actually matter in life. i hope you become an arrogant person that i myself will never have the need or want to talk to. i hope your money takes over your every thought and you are a lonely fucker for the rest of your life.
money is so fucking stupid.
excuse me while i loathe in my disgusting Dumbass thoughts.
shove it up your ass. how about that.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
With One Voice -The Material.
My eyes are still burning from such sunny days
When you came to paint all of my dark skies away
Who would choose between two shades of gray
In a world, in a world so fast my heart stops beating?
I try to wrap my head around a world so big, when we've got just one life, just one life to live
How can my voice sound above all the lies?
We're silenced by the masses, but who are we if we don't try?
Give me a reason to believe this life is more than what it seems
Give me a reason to believe you're all I need
Trying to decide just where my loyalties lie
When our heads are filled with so much useless pride
Children's cries drowned out as we feed our greed
With no thought to the future, will we ever take a chance on peace?
Give me a reason to believe this life is more than what it seems
Give me a reason to believe you're all I need
And you're already gone, and I've been here too long
And I see that it's all about to change
Well you've come and gone and it seems so long
please someone tell me that I am strong
It's all about to change
And you were here all this time
But I was blind without a chance to make it right
It's all about to change.
Give me a reason to believe you're all I need
You are my reason
When you came to paint all of my dark skies away
Who would choose between two shades of gray
In a world, in a world so fast my heart stops beating?
I try to wrap my head around a world so big, when we've got just one life, just one life to live
How can my voice sound above all the lies?
We're silenced by the masses, but who are we if we don't try?
Give me a reason to believe this life is more than what it seems
Give me a reason to believe you're all I need
Trying to decide just where my loyalties lie
When our heads are filled with so much useless pride
Children's cries drowned out as we feed our greed
With no thought to the future, will we ever take a chance on peace?
Give me a reason to believe this life is more than what it seems
Give me a reason to believe you're all I need
And you're already gone, and I've been here too long
And I see that it's all about to change
Well you've come and gone and it seems so long
please someone tell me that I am strong
It's all about to change
And you were here all this time
But I was blind without a chance to make it right
It's all about to change.
Give me a reason to believe you're all I need
You are my reason
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
No One Knows What Its Like..
Friday, July 18, 2008
My heart, It Beats, Beats For Only You..
im feeling defeated.walking with the weight of the world on my shoulders.trying to hide the things that i shouldnt hide.i try to be proud,and outgoing,but i cant help but cover up.my eyes are closing on me.my arms are weak, for all the weight ive been holding up is straining me.i can't keep up.my legs are giving up, as i try to run away from my life.my hands are clutching my past, my future, my everything.i crave a drink. i crave whenever i stress.i crave water, beer, anything.i dont want to feel out of this world. out of my realm.but really, i do. deep down.my heavy eyes close, but i lay awake.for hours.i see myself and i dont see the me who was youthful and free.yet i yearn to be that, always.i want to run and scream at the top of my lungs, jump around and be myself for once. whoever that may be.im tired of being alone.my heart is beating but it doesnt have that special beat that it deserves,,that it once had been given.Sarah Theresa Bruce, Where have you gone?i keep looking for you but i find an empty shell.please come back to me.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Fibres of Me.
every single cell in my body
looks beyond, seeing sad eyes
seeing pity on the faces of youth
preying that someday i'll be yours.
you are where i belong
you are home.
expecting the world to straighten up
become top notch in your mind
its too far to stray
its simply too much.
somehow i find a comfort in dreams
dreams are the reality of my norm.
they are what i think, yet im away from admitting.
stars in the distance remind me of how far i am
from your touch, from your eyes
i feel myself being pinched by reality
yet i ignore it and take another whiff
of life in the dark
no lover, no love
just pain and agony
i see myself hold on to the arrow in my heart
slowly pulling at it, wishing the pain would stop
letting it gradually pull out of my being.
just a kiss.
smoke fills my lungs once again
and i can see you
feel you
kiss you
touch you
but i fear this wish will never come true.
the arrow lies on the ground,covered by my feelings
followed by the green that i wish i had never tried.
it has taken me hostage
i become aware that its a false comfort
yet its a comfort at the moment, all the same
voids will be covered by my stupidity.
if only the dreams were true.
looks beyond, seeing sad eyes
seeing pity on the faces of youth
preying that someday i'll be yours.
you are where i belong
you are home.
expecting the world to straighten up
become top notch in your mind
its too far to stray
its simply too much.
somehow i find a comfort in dreams
dreams are the reality of my norm.
they are what i think, yet im away from admitting.
stars in the distance remind me of how far i am
from your touch, from your eyes
i feel myself being pinched by reality
yet i ignore it and take another whiff
of life in the dark
no lover, no love
just pain and agony
i see myself hold on to the arrow in my heart
slowly pulling at it, wishing the pain would stop
letting it gradually pull out of my being.
just a kiss.
smoke fills my lungs once again
and i can see you
feel you
kiss you
touch you
but i fear this wish will never come true.
the arrow lies on the ground,covered by my feelings
followed by the green that i wish i had never tried.
it has taken me hostage
i become aware that its a false comfort
yet its a comfort at the moment, all the same
voids will be covered by my stupidity.
if only the dreams were true.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Lets Talk About..
Oh, how fun it is to be chased around the yard by raging hornets trying to sting you.
Why are hornets always so mad? stupid hornets.
Today was a good day. It was nice out. I was in a good mood, for the most part. I was still hungover from Thursday earlier today. Which has made me think, maybe I'm better off staying away from the alcohol. Or at least limit myself. I never really had a limit like I did when I first started drinking. I built up this tolerance for it.. it kind of makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
I thought I was allergic to vodka, but i guess not. Instead I turn into a completely different person. Not in a bad sense, its just weird. Then I drunk dial people and they probably think I'm completely INSANE! ( Sorry Slo & Green, Kelka) I had no recollection of calling anyone. I kind of felt like a huge asshole.
It made me emotional in a sense. Like the drunk girl who runs around at a party telling everyone how much she loves them.. yeah. That was me.
On to another subject..
I mowed the lawn today, which caused a ruckus with the bee's and hornets. fuck them all, i say!
well, bee's are cool, but they still scare me.
May i just say how much i love my ipod?? I think I would seriously go insane without it.
Tonight was a little awkward..went to Greg's, He told me they were meeting up with some people, then i came back.. I cant be assed to walk all around town today, I'm just not in the mood for it. So I'm probably gonna chill with him later tonight.
My parents insist that I'm not gay.This is another reason i choose to stay away from vodka,but..maybe it was good that I fought back. I find it completely hilarious, and i told it to their face that they have no idea what they are saying. I'm pretty fucking gay. They said because I don't have a Girlfriend. So what if I don't have a Girlfriend?!? I've dated girls!
then they went on to say: "You've never done anything with a girl, so how would you know?" then I went on to tell them how naive and bigoted they were being. Also because I was drinking, I quickly told them that: I've had sex with girls. Including my 9-month relationship with that girl that they wouldn't let in the house in grade 11-12. Fuck.
THEN! they go on to say "well you've never had sex with a boy, so how do you know you wont like it"
I was fuming at this point. Just imagine me, red faced, with both of my parents down-sizing me.
I then said " how do you know I've never had sex with a boy? And even if I didn't, it doesn't mean I've never done anything with one. I'm simply not attracted to Men in that way. At all. Who cares if I didn't have sex with one."
It made me feel..well..good. Good because the cat was out of the bag. They can think whatever they want but this is me, This is who I am, and they can accept it, and move on with their lives and not get tied up about it, because its my life and not theirs.
So here's your daughter saying, I don't give a shit what you think of my sexual preference. I have no control over it. So fucking what if i don't have a Girlfriend, it doesn't make sense to call me a hetero. LOOK AT ME. Gayness just radiates off of me. if you cant see that, your blind.
Happy post? Not so much.
Needed to be written as I was overlooking my last drinking experience? yes.
-Nova.
Why are hornets always so mad? stupid hornets.
Today was a good day. It was nice out. I was in a good mood, for the most part. I was still hungover from Thursday earlier today. Which has made me think, maybe I'm better off staying away from the alcohol. Or at least limit myself. I never really had a limit like I did when I first started drinking. I built up this tolerance for it.. it kind of makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
I thought I was allergic to vodka, but i guess not. Instead I turn into a completely different person. Not in a bad sense, its just weird. Then I drunk dial people and they probably think I'm completely INSANE! ( Sorry Slo & Green, Kelka) I had no recollection of calling anyone. I kind of felt like a huge asshole.
It made me emotional in a sense. Like the drunk girl who runs around at a party telling everyone how much she loves them.. yeah. That was me.
On to another subject..
I mowed the lawn today, which caused a ruckus with the bee's and hornets. fuck them all, i say!
well, bee's are cool, but they still scare me.
May i just say how much i love my ipod?? I think I would seriously go insane without it.
Tonight was a little awkward..went to Greg's, He told me they were meeting up with some people, then i came back.. I cant be assed to walk all around town today, I'm just not in the mood for it. So I'm probably gonna chill with him later tonight.
My parents insist that I'm not gay.This is another reason i choose to stay away from vodka,but..maybe it was good that I fought back. I find it completely hilarious, and i told it to their face that they have no idea what they are saying. I'm pretty fucking gay. They said because I don't have a Girlfriend. So what if I don't have a Girlfriend?!? I've dated girls!
then they went on to say: "You've never done anything with a girl, so how would you know?" then I went on to tell them how naive and bigoted they were being. Also because I was drinking, I quickly told them that: I've had sex with girls. Including my 9-month relationship with that girl that they wouldn't let in the house in grade 11-12. Fuck.
THEN! they go on to say "well you've never had sex with a boy, so how do you know you wont like it"
I was fuming at this point. Just imagine me, red faced, with both of my parents down-sizing me.
I then said " how do you know I've never had sex with a boy? And even if I didn't, it doesn't mean I've never done anything with one. I'm simply not attracted to Men in that way. At all. Who cares if I didn't have sex with one."
It made me feel..well..good. Good because the cat was out of the bag. They can think whatever they want but this is me, This is who I am, and they can accept it, and move on with their lives and not get tied up about it, because its my life and not theirs.
So here's your daughter saying, I don't give a shit what you think of my sexual preference. I have no control over it. So fucking what if i don't have a Girlfriend, it doesn't make sense to call me a hetero. LOOK AT ME. Gayness just radiates off of me. if you cant see that, your blind.
Happy post? Not so much.
Needed to be written as I was overlooking my last drinking experience? yes.
-Nova.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Music = <3. Fo' Real.
So today consisted of cleaning the house up. yep. fun stuff! =/
I realized last night when I was paying my phone bill that im pretty much BROKE right now. fuckshitfuck. I didnt pay the whole thing,because..well thats how broke I am. plus I need to pay for my meds, that keep me healthy. Hrm. Kind of an oxy-moron.
I miss being in Abq. And how much fun it was. Actually, I miss being anywhere but here.
This is such a stupid blog. I feel super un-interesting, but really! alot of interesting things happen! Interesting as in, really weird things. really.Like everytime I sit down in a bus, the military people always sit next to me. I never really understood why. Why me? I'm not yanking your chain! I have the weirdest experiences..but they are so weird that i like to block them out. Maybe I'll start writing about my dreams, cause they are really fucked up!JUST LIKE ME!!! (Makes a Vodka&OJ)...
I wanna make a podcast. like, bad. I think it would be super fun, and it would keep my mind off of the stupid annoying things in my life. Anyone?
So if anyone is reading this.. and has read all the way through, congrats! I like to talk about stupid random things. =]
I realized last night when I was paying my phone bill that im pretty much BROKE right now. fuckshitfuck. I didnt pay the whole thing,because..well thats how broke I am. plus I need to pay for my meds, that keep me healthy. Hrm. Kind of an oxy-moron.
I miss being in Abq. And how much fun it was. Actually, I miss being anywhere but here.
This is such a stupid blog. I feel super un-interesting, but really! alot of interesting things happen! Interesting as in, really weird things. really.Like everytime I sit down in a bus, the military people always sit next to me. I never really understood why. Why me? I'm not yanking your chain! I have the weirdest experiences..but they are so weird that i like to block them out. Maybe I'll start writing about my dreams, cause they are really fucked up!JUST LIKE ME!!! (Makes a Vodka&OJ)...
I wanna make a podcast. like, bad. I think it would be super fun, and it would keep my mind off of the stupid annoying things in my life. Anyone?
So if anyone is reading this.. and has read all the way through, congrats! I like to talk about stupid random things. =]
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Culture.
Today, I realized how bored I am of my Town.
Theres nothing here. Nothing at all.
Its a dead end. I dont want to live here. If i lived in the City I think it'd be okay. anywhere but here.
Today consisted of not a heck of alot:
Biked to the store to replace the juice I drank last night with Vodka.
yippee.
Later when I got back the computer decided to be a fucktard.
so that was really fun.
I then made my facebook a little more private, because of the photos and videos that are showing up on there from KP'08. some are normal but there are a few that are BAD. Not boss worthy.
Then I went up to Alexs.. *sigh*
We then sat there, saying over and over how we wished there was something to do.
Now I'm sitting here, typing this lame-ass post because theres nothing better to do.
ahh fuck no wonder i want to travel all of the time!
Theres nothing here. Nothing at all.
Its a dead end. I dont want to live here. If i lived in the City I think it'd be okay. anywhere but here.
Today consisted of not a heck of alot:
Biked to the store to replace the juice I drank last night with Vodka.
yippee.
Later when I got back the computer decided to be a fucktard.
so that was really fun.
I then made my facebook a little more private, because of the photos and videos that are showing up on there from KP'08. some are normal but there are a few that are BAD. Not boss worthy.
Then I went up to Alexs.. *sigh*
We then sat there, saying over and over how we wished there was something to do.
Now I'm sitting here, typing this lame-ass post because theres nothing better to do.
ahh fuck no wonder i want to travel all of the time!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Into Your Head.
Yeah lame title. I know. I tend to use song lyrics when i cant think of anything else to put.
So today im in an alright mood I suppose. I've been in a pretty awesome mood lately. the only reason im "alright" right now is cause my friends decided to have me over for some beer last night. me+beer = guaranteed hangover.
I slept in too late for my own good so here I am, at 2:30 am wide awake.
I dont think I can put into words how amazing last weekend was. It actually changed me. It was the best decision i've ever made, to just do something spontaneous like that.
I met so many amazing people! every single person who attended KP08 was so nice!
the whole trip just plays over and over in my head. Not a single thing went wrong, not a single awkward moment..just..ah.
but now im thinking of next year.already. hmmm. probably shouldnt, but I know I'll be able to make it for sure.
so many hot girls..ahh....
anyways! thats all for now. and heres a picture :
So today im in an alright mood I suppose. I've been in a pretty awesome mood lately. the only reason im "alright" right now is cause my friends decided to have me over for some beer last night. me+beer = guaranteed hangover.
I slept in too late for my own good so here I am, at 2:30 am wide awake.
I dont think I can put into words how amazing last weekend was. It actually changed me. It was the best decision i've ever made, to just do something spontaneous like that.
I met so many amazing people! every single person who attended KP08 was so nice!
the whole trip just plays over and over in my head. Not a single thing went wrong, not a single awkward moment..just..ah.
but now im thinking of next year.already. hmmm. probably shouldnt, but I know I'll be able to make it for sure.
so many hot girls..ahh....
anyways! thats all for now. and heres a picture :
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
this is how i feel right now
i feel like a huge bundle of nerves. im SO excited for tomorrow. but im also worried that something might happen.
most of all though i guess im happy.
i dont really have much else to say... i'll post tomorrow at the airport if i can find an internet card or a wi-fi spot.
most of all though i guess im happy.
i dont really have much else to say... i'll post tomorrow at the airport if i can find an internet card or a wi-fi spot.
Monday, June 9, 2008
First and Foremost..
Well, this is the first of probably many posts on this blog. i do use LJ but, i think I'll be switching to this. It seems a little more creative i guess.
I don't have much to say right now really..
I just got back from getting my passport and i was going to get US money but the bank was closed when i went by, so I'll probably get some either tomorrow or Wednesday.
I'm getting my hair did in a while. yes i said it, getting it DID and WHATT.
heres a random picture.
note: im the dork in the black making a retarded face.
I don't have much to say right now really..
I just got back from getting my passport and i was going to get US money but the bank was closed when i went by, so I'll probably get some either tomorrow or Wednesday.
I'm getting my hair did in a while. yes i said it, getting it DID and WHATT.
heres a random picture.
note: im the dork in the black making a retarded face.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
