This Is Life.

We go to school, we graduate, we (sometimes) go back to school, all to become a miniscule worker.
One Doctor
One Waitress
One cashier..
Throw a few millionaires in here and there.
work is work.
your lucky if you have a job you love.
your lucky if your not trapped.
your a lucky fucker if your rich.

everyone can simply fuck off. im sick and tired of bullshit.
relationships, jobs, money, government..
fuck off.
its all the same. i hate it. same thing day in day out.
i feel like an ant in the grass, about to be stepped on at any moment.
i feel like a failure.
and then my friends start to avoid me, when i get like this. and some people i cant explain it to. you've got to understand, i get in these moods. i hate almost everyone for a while. i hate life for a while. i hate how SHITTY mine is starting to turn out.

Shove your fucking brains and books in my face, go ahead! i know im not stupid, i shouldnt have to make people believe the same thing. People can think whatever the fuck they want about me.
its all a viscious cycle. you work then you fucking die.

i hope everyones fucking happy.
i hope you drown in your money and forget about things that actually matter in life. i hope you become an arrogant person that i myself will never have the need or want to talk to. i hope your money takes over your every thought and you are a lonely fucker for the rest of your life.
money is so fucking stupid.
excuse me while i loathe in my disgusting Dumbass thoughts.

shove it up your ass. how about that.

With One Voice -The Material.

My eyes are still burning from such sunny days
When you came to paint all of my dark skies away
Who would choose between two shades of gray
In a world, in a world so fast my heart stops beating?

I try to wrap my head around a world so big, when we've got just one life, just one life to live
How can my voice sound above all the lies?
We're silenced by the masses, but who are we if we don't try?

Give me a reason to believe this life is more than what it seems
Give me a reason to believe you're all I need

Trying to decide just where my loyalties lie
When our heads are filled with so much useless pride
Children's cries drowned out as we feed our greed
With no thought to the future, will we ever take a chance on peace?

Give me a reason to believe this life is more than what it seems
Give me a reason to believe you're all I need

And you're already gone, and I've been here too long
And I see that it's all about to change
Well you've come and gone and it seems so long
please someone tell me that I am strong
It's all about to change
And you were here all this time
But I was blind without a chance to make it right
It's all about to change.

Give me a reason to believe you're all I need

You are my reason

No One Knows What Its Like..

this is how i feel today.
ignore the straighties making out for a few secounds.
the video is neat, and i love the song.
i heard it in the car today, and it totally fits me lately.
except im not a man..

yeah.
P.S: i have NO idea why its showing up twice, but oh well.

My heart, It Beats, Beats For Only You..

im feeling defeated.walking with the weight of the world on my shoulders.trying to hide the things that i shouldnt hide.i try to be proud,and outgoing,but i cant help but cover up.my eyes are closing on me.my arms are weak, for all the weight ive been holding up is straining me.i can't keep up.my legs are giving up, as i try to run away from my life.my hands are clutching my past, my future, my everything.i crave a drink. i crave whenever i stress.i crave water, beer, anything.i dont want to feel out of this world. out of my realm.but really, i do. deep down.my heavy eyes close, but i lay awake.for hours.i see myself and i dont see the me who was youthful and free.yet i yearn to be that, always.i want to run and scream at the top of my lungs, jump around and be myself for once. whoever that may be.im tired of being alone.my heart is beating but it doesnt have that special beat that it deserves,,that it once had been given.Sarah Theresa Bruce, Where have you gone?i keep looking for you but i find an empty shell.please come back to me.

Fibres of Me.

every single cell in my body
looks beyond, seeing sad eyes
seeing pity on the faces of youth
preying that someday i'll be yours.
you are where i belong
you are home.

expecting the world to straighten up
become top notch in your mind
its too far to stray
its simply too much.

somehow i find a comfort in dreams
dreams are the reality of my norm.
they are what i think, yet im away from admitting.

stars in the distance remind me of how far i am
from your touch, from your eyes
i feel myself being pinched by reality
yet i ignore it and take another whiff
of life in the dark

no lover, no love
just pain and agony
i see myself hold on to the arrow in my heart
slowly pulling at it, wishing the pain would stop
letting it gradually pull out of my being.
just a kiss.

smoke fills my lungs once again
and i can see you
feel you
kiss you
touch you
but i fear this wish will never come true.

the arrow lies on the ground,covered by my feelings
followed by the green that i wish i had never tried.
it has taken me hostage
i become aware that its a false comfort
yet its a comfort at the moment, all the same
voids will be covered by my stupidity.

if only the dreams were true.

Oh Shit.

It takes everything in me not to tell you about my dream last night.

Lets Talk About..

Oh, how fun it is to be chased around the yard by raging hornets trying to sting you.

Why are hornets always so mad? stupid hornets.

Today was a good day. It was nice out. I was in a good mood, for the most part. I was still hungover from Thursday earlier today. Which has made me think, maybe I'm better off staying away from the alcohol. Or at least limit myself. I never really had a limit like I did when I first started drinking. I built up this tolerance for it.. it kind of makes me feel sick just thinking about it.

I thought I was allergic to vodka, but i guess not. Instead I turn into a completely different person. Not in a bad sense, its just weird. Then I drunk dial people and they probably think I'm completely INSANE! ( Sorry Slo & Green, Kelka) I had no recollection of calling anyone. I kind of felt like a huge asshole.
It made me emotional in a sense. Like the drunk girl who runs around at a party telling everyone how much she loves them.. yeah. That was me.

On to another subject..

I mowed the lawn today, which caused a ruckus with the bee's and hornets. fuck them all, i say!
well, bee's are cool, but they still scare me.

May i just say how much i love my ipod?? I think I would seriously go insane without it.

Tonight was a little awkward..went to Greg's, He told me they were meeting up with some people, then i came back.. I cant be assed to walk all around town today, I'm just not in the mood for it. So I'm probably gonna chill with him later tonight.

My parents insist that I'm not gay.This is another reason i choose to stay away from vodka,but..maybe it was good that I fought back. I find it completely hilarious, and i told it to their face that they have no idea what they are saying. I'm pretty fucking gay. They said because I don't have a Girlfriend. So what if I don't have a Girlfriend?!? I've dated girls!
then they went on to say: "You've never done anything with a girl, so how would you know?" then I went on to tell them how naive and bigoted they were being. Also because I was drinking, I quickly told them that: I've had sex with girls. Including my 9-month relationship with that girl that they wouldn't let in the house in grade 11-12. Fuck.
THEN! they go on to say "well you've never had sex with a boy, so how do you know you wont like it"
I was fuming at this point. Just imagine me, red faced, with both of my parents down-sizing me.
I then said " how do you know I've never had sex with a boy? And even if I didn't, it doesn't mean I've never done anything with one. I'm simply not attracted to Men in that way. At all. Who cares if I didn't have sex with one."

It made me feel..well..good. Good because the cat was out of the bag. They can think whatever they want but this is me, This is who I am, and they can accept it, and move on with their lives and not get tied up about it, because its my life and not theirs.

So here's your daughter saying, I don't give a shit what you think of my sexual preference. I have no control over it. So fucking what if i don't have a Girlfriend, it doesn't make sense to call me a hetero. LOOK AT ME. Gayness just radiates off of me. if you cant see that, your blind.

Happy post? Not so much.
Needed to be written as I was overlooking my last drinking experience? yes.























-Nova.

Music = <3. Fo' Real.

So today consisted of cleaning the house up. yep. fun stuff! =/

I realized last night when I was paying my phone bill that im pretty much BROKE right now. fuckshitfuck. I didnt pay the whole thing,because..well thats how broke I am. plus I need to pay for my meds, that keep me healthy. Hrm. Kind of an oxy-moron.
I miss being in Abq. And how much fun it was. Actually, I miss being anywhere but here.

This is such a stupid blog. I feel super un-interesting, but really! alot of interesting things happen! Interesting as in, really weird things. really.Like everytime I sit down in a bus, the military people always sit next to me. I never really understood why. Why me? I'm not yanking your chain! I have the weirdest experiences..but they are so weird that i like to block them out. Maybe I'll start writing about my dreams, cause they are really fucked up!JUST LIKE ME!!! (Makes a Vodka&OJ)...

I wanna make a podcast. like, bad. I think it would be super fun, and it would keep my mind off of the stupid annoying things in my life. Anyone?

So if anyone is reading this.. and has read all the way through, congrats! I like to talk about stupid random things. =]

Weapon of Choice.

One More Thing That I'm Addicted To.