Floating on a prayer
wondering whats to come
being here and being alone.
day after day,
my life works this way
prayers are empty, with no belief
no believing
just being
being me
being you
another day.
assuming always
with my heart wide open
waiting.
wondering,
whats to come.

Everyone For Themselves.

If i had a reason for writing this right now, I would tell you.
I dont have one. Its something to do i suppose.
Is it a waste of time? probably. whats the difference of keeping the thoughts in your head and writing them down onto a website?
Does it make the least bit of a difference?
i guess if someone else wants to read it then they would. Thats the whole purpose, right?
For other people to read your thoughts.
But when they read your thoughts, do you think they really see things the way you see them?
Probably not.
why am i ranting? i have no idea. Its the mood that im in right now. It could be the new album i just got thats making me seem dark. Or it may be that I have no running water at the moment. OR! it could be about my Brother whos currently stuck in toronto. He was supposed to be home last night.
Air Canada totally fucked up. I hope he sues. He could!
he had no direction to where he was supposed to go. I know exactly how that all goes, Im surprised that I got home on time from New Mexico!
He's currently in a motel, as far as i know.
It just goes to show you how important people really are to airlines.
If their plane they were supposed to catch wouldve waited, then he would be here right now. 15 minutes! 15! it cant wait that long?! UGH.

Curiosity didnt REALLY kill the cat, did it?

I happened to come across an article about Will Smith giving money to Scientology...
one link led to another, and i was absolutely shocked at what I found.

First of all, I checked the scientology website...nothing was really out of the ordinary, but I found that you could find only very limited information about the religion. It kept telling you to buy the books. That came as no surprise to me, seeing as they charge each of their members $250,000 dollars to "join."

If Tom Cruise and Will Smith, and a few other famous actors can join, why not? right?

I found a very bogus-sounding article, that at the same time made some sense. But to believe what its saying is a whole other topic. the article literally made my head spin with thoughts of "Is this actually for real?"

The whole time I was reading it I was thinking: "someone actually wrote this down on paper? someones actually making people BELIEVE this?"

Seeing that this is my blog, I think I have the freedom to write down my thoughts. If you dont agree with me, thats ok. reading what I post next may either make you laugh about it, or make you search up more about scientology...I assure you. there is NO site telling you exactly what you do. For some reason all of the sites only go so far. You would have to become a "member" to really know.

Heres the link for the messed up article i stumbled across:http://www.larabell.org/ultimate.html

and for the article that seems real... im hoping it is. It seems like it was written from someone who was either in the cult or who had a friend who gave information about it.
http://home.snafu.de/tilman/scwhat.txt

from what i hear, the more liberal of this "cult"..who do not believe in harming others, have gotten away from the original religion and started up their own..

regardless...

why must humans run mindless things through their heads to feel more secure?
is it to have a meaning? to have a more purposeful life?
war exhists simply because that is human nature. who starts the wars is an entirely different story..

My belief is that we are here simply because we are.
Just as dogs and cats and worms and snails, birds and the like..
we're here.
yet we are the only beings that have to follow religions to feel more worthy.
are we advancing, or are we slowing ourselves down with these religions?
have we strayed off of the path of true meaning?
Maybe we have. but we may never know.

I guess i should stick this in here somewhere : I dont have a Religion. I dont hate Religion, but i dont hold any desire to become a follower. While i have the chance, i'll also put in that i wouldnt want to be a leader of a new religion, or an old one.
What i believe in is we got here somehow..that i dont know. But i dont believe that being on your knees, believing in something youve never seen before or come across, is doing anything spectacular for this world. Yes - we got here somehow. Yes - it is a miracle how it happened. No- i dont believe that something is watching over me. Thats just the way my mind works, I guess.

I hope someone else searches up "what is scientology?" just like i did, and somehow come across my very- biased opinion, some would say. Yet at the same time, its freedom of speech. Its Human Rights.If anyone has anymore juicy gossip about this wretched topic dont hesitate to E-mail me.

sarahtbruce@hotmail.com.
dont be afraid. an opinion is an opinion. everyone has one.

Time To Look Back.

This has been an interesting year. to say the least.
I have travelled, I have lost some family, I have become a different person.
I've made mistakes. Who doesnt?
I have calmed down, significantly. Its as if the child in me has given up.
I guess thats what happens when your life revolves around work. Believe it or not, if someone were to approach me that knew me in highschool, I wouldnt know what to say to them. So, hows life going? Well, im not sure.Stressful days at work, not knowing what to do with myself, with my life.So many aspirations, going to waste, because i dont know what to do with myself.Thanks for asking though!


To sum up this year would be extremely hard.
Ive seen the beautiful mountains and desert in New Mexico.
I've been to the warm and beautiful Dominican Republic.
I've met some of the most amazing people i will ever know in my life. and not met them, at the same time.
I lost my Sister. Or what i would consider one, because im a pet lover.
I lost my grandfather, who had it coming for a long time. All that we did was patiently wait.
I sat at the corner of his bed, wondering what the man was actually like. what he had actually gone through, what the war was actually like. Maybe thats why he was so quiet at family gatherings. Maybe i got that from moms side of the family. Reserved. But so far away from shy.
To some it may not make any sense. But its true.

I have so many questions about life that its disturbing. Nobody can answer these questions. Does anyone else in the world think like me? feel like me? someone out there must.

Sheltered. Thats what i was always told.
well guess what? im not. if i was, i dont know when.
Im more curious and adventurous than mostly anyone i know.
yet scared to spread my wings.
scared to fail.
if i fail, i may fall.Again.

everytime i hear the song "Sober" by Pink, i think of myself last year. and some of this year.
a mess. Calling for help.
and none.

the only person that can really help you in this world is yourself.
heres to getting my life completely on track. slowly, im getting there.